I’ve been watching a lot of professional wrestling lately. Oops, you’re not supposed to call it “professional wrestling.” You’re supposed to call it “sports entertainment.” Pardon me, Vince McMahon.
So I signed up for a free month of the WWE Network and have been watching a lot of old pay-per-views, as well as episodes of “Monday Night Raw” and “Thursday Night Smackdown.”
While I’m not as athletically gifted enough to last 30 seconds in the ring with the likes of Brock Lesnar or Roman Reigns, I have decided to become a promoter and usher in unparalleled levels of excitement to Matthews and Mint Hill. OoOoOoh yeaaaa!
Unlike most area towns, neither posts any kind of video or audio feed of their commissioner meetings, keeping many Hulkamaniacs in the dark. So I plan on approaching the town managers about producing four hours of live “government entertainment” each month. I hope to bring “Matthews Raw” and “Mint Hill Smackdown” to your living rooms by fall 2020. It will be informative family entertainment.
Here are some of my preliminary ideas:
• Entrance theme songs: Right now, meetings start with the mayor banging a gavel. I propose ringing a bell and then having each elected officer enter the chamber with a different theme song. Please, no Nickelback.
• Outfits: Ditch those suits, guys. You’ve got two options: sleeveless black shirt and jeans like late 1990s WCW or colorful spandex like WWF – unless you have a gimmick (hillbilly wearing overalls).
• Audience participation: Currently, people in the audience are encouraged to be respectful of others. They should be allowed to cheer the good guys and bad guys when they enter the chamber or when someone from the public cuts a vicious promo.
• Matches: Each item under new business will be considered a match. We’ll limit each match to no more than 20 minutes to allow time for the entrances and my interview segments. Unlike wrestling, our matches won’t be predetermined, through I do envision government entertainment to be somewhat choreographed. Elected officials will enter the chamber knowing the ins and outs of each issue. Each match consists of fierce debate.
• Announcers: Each meeting should have two announcers. One should give the play-by-play. The other gives color commentary. I get goosebumps thinking about Jim Ross shouting: “Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! The mayor just hit a fan with a steel chair! Stop that! Stop that! That ain’t right!”
• Championship belts: The commissioner that gets the loudest reaction from the crowd at the end of the meeting wins the CMG World Championship Belt. The holder of the belt is the people’s champion!
If you like these ideas, gimme a hell yeah! OK, so that was a mild reaction. We could just start with some baby steps and put some meeting audio or video online.